Sometimes goodbye is a second chance.

Hey guys. so today is going to be ALL OF MY PHOTOGRAPHY. I take a lot of photos for tumblr. SO, if you guys do read this, ethier blog about it on YOUR blog, or message me about it on Facebook(: You guys should start doing photography too(: Its a really good way to get your mind off things(:

So yeah(: I'm in love with photography now.
I think that the next time I go to Bek's house, we might take profession photos. Like the ones that Austin Fitch does..? Yeah. That sounds right,
No song of the day or shout outs today because I'm gunna post later as well.

Baii(:

Don't be as worried. (Bonus Post!)

Hey guys. Jus a little bonus post to the other one I posted today.
Don't be as worried about me having breast cancer. If I did have breast cancer, It would have been already taking effect. But I'm hoping to go back to the doctor in a little while. I've told everyone that has read my blog and messaged me on Facebook, that I won't leave you guys. I promise. I know that if I do, that I don't have a choice, but I need to be strong right now, and when you guys are sad, it makes me think that I really need to be stronger about this, but sometimes I just break down and cry. I don't want to have Breast cancer. No one does. But please, the less you worry, the less I will. It will be better for everyone if we don't think about it. Please guys... For me.

~.Chelsea.~

Problems.

And I heard you noticed every day while I've been here beside myself
How your bedroom smells just like me and how you found somebody else
But there's a letter that I wrote you just on the back of your top shelf
In case you think the things I've told you, you will hear from someone else

It talks about the things I feel when it's just us inside the dark
About the things I like to think while you lay so close to my heart
And I can't seem to find the words I mean so I try to hold my tongue
While I lay wide awake and restless you should read it says,

Go to hell if you're reading this and I'm not here
Take your someone else and let me make this crystal clear that,
That I don't need your help and I'm okay by myself
You can go to hell.

Why do I keep thinking about you. About that kiss. About everything that happened that night.

The tickle fights. The kisses. The jokes. Just the night in general.

I still think about you, Matt. I really like you, but I don't even know if you still have a girlfriend. Ugh. I really hate you, but I love you too.
This is so hard for me right now.
But.
At least I have a lot of friends to keep me positive in this life(:

So on my Facebook I said "If you like this status I will put 3 confessions on my blog"
So, here's those 3 confessions.

1: I have never cried at a movie except for Bolt because my dog, Hunter, and I are just like Penny and Bolt<3

2: The only REAL friend I have had in a while is Rebekah Phillips.

3: I can't have caffeine because I might possibly have breast cancer.

Now, the last confession is soo important.
I might have breast cancer because I found a lump and I went to the doctor and he said stay off for a while and come back to have him check me out again. So far, since December 10th(my last appt.),  It hasn't really gone down yet. I have been so incredibly worried lately. But, hopefully Its just a weird thing and that it would go away.
But. I'm trying not to think about it as much..

Song of the day: The Line by The Eastern Sea. I heard this song on Catfish and it reminded me of Taggert.

Shoutout of the day: Rebekah Phillips and James Facer.

Rebekah: Hey sisstaa! I hope your having a good day. I'm glad I posted that on Facebook because I didn't know you were having a horrible day,and I'm glad I fixed it.I also hope we can have a Valentines Day party at your or my house(: That would be GREAT. I love you!(:

James: Hey Bro. I hope your bet is going well. But you gotta split that 5 dollars in half because I want money because I don't get to hug you for another freaking month. This is MESSED UPP. Anyway, I hope you can go to Portland(: I really want you to go because it would be a big thing for you and I would be really happy if another changing experience happened again.

Anyway.
Thanks for reading guys c:
~..Chelsea..~

Weddings, PTC's, and crushes(:

Wednesday was the wedding between Tristen and Kade, and I was all dressed up c:
I had my white dress, and my high tops! I loved my outfit (:
Anyway, I made cake Tuesday night and that was fun. I always enjoy baking. I just do!(: So, I get to school and go into Rucklos' classroom and Mrs.Smith(the math teacher) was teaching her something new on her iPad(: Later, I put paper hearts around the classroom and on the floor and such, and wrote on the board. So, the wedding started and Tristen was about to say "I Do" when SOMEONE PANTSED KADE. It was hilariousss.
Anyway,
The cake was AMAZING<3 Everyone loved it(:

So, PTC's went kinda well.. The only classes I am struggling with are Math and Yearbook. I hate Math so much, but I gotta try to make it a B because I start to get Credits next year..

And my crushes. You guys already know I have a crush on my Jersey boi, Jacob.
But we are 2 years away from meeting, Sadly. I love Jacob so much. But, again. 2 years.
So.
Taggert Andersen(:
He's a wrestler and he, I think and hope, he likes me back. I know for a fact that he kinda likes me because hes giving me all the signs.. But I don't really know how Ed, His dad, will think about it if me and Taggert go out. Last year, in track, there was a girl named, Lyla. She was my Best Friend in track. She told me that I could maybe be manager with her for the High School, But I never truly talked to her dad about it..So, I was talking to her yesterday and she said she would ask her dad again.. I'm kinda scared. But, Taggert had to leave early yesterday. I'm pretty sure that he already knows I like him. Because, Juliana was like "Taggert, I think she likes you!" I laughed. I was all like "maybe.." and Taggert got really awkward.
Anyway.

Song of the day; Oppa Gondom Elf(: My mom/ bestfriend/ sister- Rebekah Phillips (lilmissepic.blogspot.com) and me wrote this.(:

Shoutouts of the day; Melissa, Lyla, Bek, James, and Grace.

Melissa- what the heck!! We haven't been talking AT ALL ): What happened?!
Lyla- I hope your dad said yes(: That would be greatt(:
Bek- hey sexy santaa!! That was funny when I scared you when you were in Advisory :P
James- Imma miss you when you go to Portland.
Grace- WHERE THE HECK WERE YOU THE LAST 2 FREAKING DAYS?! I MISS YOU LIKE CRAZY BABAYY. ):

'~'

Valentines Day! ♥

hey guys(:

So this year I might and might not have a valentine. But, I wanted to tell you guys who I want as my valentine..

I wanted my best friend, James Facer..Yeah, I know thats  HUGE surprise. But, I kinda just wanted him to be mine because hes my husband. And even though we have had many fights, I kinda wanted to give him a break. c:

He likes Taylor though ):

So its probably a no. and I really hope that Bek's not mad at me for it.. Because, well.. I lahve her. and her boyfriend. HAH. THAT WAS THE LONGEST KISS EVER TODAY.

Bek and Dawson. Oh.. BOY HOWDY. They always have the longest kisses. Its so cutee c:

So, today I screeched when they kissed. SCREECHED. hah(: It was really funny(:

I'm excited that I'm getting my room painted because its going to be painted TEAL. TEEAALL<3333
Finally. my favorite color as my room<3 YEAY. (;

Okay.

Song of the day; Thrift Shop by Macklemore. This song is literally my favorite song at the moment and its a really good, catchy song c:

Shoutouts; James, Bek, and Grace.

James: Hello, love c: I hope that you get past your bet when you turn 16 you better give me a big hug :DD

Bek: Hello there babay dolll :DD Your amazing and I love your face SOOO much c:

Gracie; Hey there, fag c; Your amazing for TRYING to teach me yoga. I love yoga now. but um.. Lets work on me not putting my butt in your face next time. mmkay? K.

Bye guys(:

This Christmas break. was. the. BEST c:

Hey guys. (:

Sorry I haven't blogged in a while. With Christmas and the family being here, its just been kinda hard to get some time away from them. I'v also been pretty apart from my family. for the last week or so I have just spent time in my room and watched movies on Netflix and talked to Zach Macki. Zach Macki is Rebekah Phillips' stepbrother. Hes a really sweet guy with a great personality. I actually met a lot of amazing people on this Christmas break. Lets start off with the first person I got to know that literally scared me.. The manager at Abotts. Let me tell you the story starting from Friday morning. I had gotten home from Melissa's about 10:30, and I went downstairs to say hi to my mom. When I went down before I left she told me Rebekah had called. I was all like "OMG. YAYAYAYAY." But I kept it cool and just said "mmkay. I'll call her back." So, thats what I did. She said she was going to pick me up at 12:30 or 1. Being the loser that I was, I didn't even think twice about taking a shower because I had taken one at Melissa's. So, I just went and got my clothes and texted Bek and Melissa. I watched T.V. and waited. and waited. and WAITED. Then when 12:25 came along I texted Bek and said "HAAYY. ARE YOU COMING YET?!" She said "Were leaving now. #LiLMiSSEPiC " I was really excited (: As I waited for Bek to come I sat in the living room with my mom talking about Matt and about how everything happened with me kissing him and then him telling me he had a girlfriend. But then, Bek came. So, as I get into Bek's car, HER MOM IS PULLING A PUPPIES TEETH. This was seriously KILLING me. Anyway, When we went driving Bek and her mom were wearing pajama pants and I felt left out. So I just changed my pants in her car. No big deal. We went to Abbots and got mistletoe and candy! Later, we got this bouncy ball and tried to hit Bek's mom, but we didn't. So we just played volleyball with it and after about 5 minutes doing that, i kicked it and it POPPED. I seriously thought that no one heard, but no. The manager comes down the aisle and kept her cool. So, Julie paid for it (Julie is Bek's mom.) and we left. We picked up Sienna next, and boyyy. That was fun!

When we got back to Bek's house, I went straight to her room not caring about anything. Of course, being at her house so many times before I knew where everything was, but she had rearranged her mothertrucking room. GRR. So, I didn't know where anything was. xD So I just sat on her top bunk and waited for Bek and Sienna to come into the room. They finally did and we ran downstairs. Bek had my presents, and I opened them. I got a sign that said "Dwell In Possibility's", a 1D poster, AND A ONE DIRECTION CALENDER. :DDDD

I was suppper happyy! :DD So, Bek's mom had to leave to get Jordan and Rachel. We got to wash puppies and clean!! It was fun. So I cleaned out the freezer while Bek and Sienna cleaned the floors and the counters. Afterwards, we washed the puppies and I sat in the tub with the dogs, and washed them with Sienna while Bek brushed them. After about 3 dogs(You gotta remember that we were in the bathroom with the music blaring), Bek heard a voice outside and it was Jordan. I uhh.. pretty much freaked because from what Bek told me he's super funny and is everything a girl wants in a guy. ANYWAY. He walked in with Bek and introduced us. He said "I like this one. Shes cute." hahahahahh. I don't get that a lot. Seriously. Anyway, later after me and Sienna washed all the dogs I managed to sneak away and went downstairs to talk to Jordan and Rachel. We talked about so much.. So, we practically just played board games and the Wii until our guests came over. The first people that came over were Dawson and Isiah. We just talked to them until Julia and Bob came over, and then Marcus and Chris came over. We got to do our White Elephant gifts. Bek got a new blanket, I got Mtn. Dew and Potato Chips and so did Dawson. Julia got chocolate I think, and then Bob got a purple glowstick-flashlight-whistle thing. Sienna got a lot of Twix, and finally Isiah and Chris got chocolate. But Jordan didn't get his yet. So, he opened the one from Dawson, which was Christmas Cookies, and chocolate. Bek opened up her present from Dawson and he got her Epic Mickey 2, Chocolate, and lots of kisses ;)

Later, we played a lot of party games and Jordan and Bob told stories! They were hilarious, because they actually thought those stories were scary. Eriks was just hilarious xD
 After that I just kinda hung upstairs for a while while Bek was playing Video Games c: I played the push-up game with Erik and Will and BEAT THEMMM. >:DD Bek, Sienna, and I went into Bek's room later that night after Chris and Marcus left, we just hung out for a little while. We were playing a lot of bored games and then I forgot from the last time I was over there I had dares still to do. Which I like. Never did.

The morning after I woke up to "DAWSON. MARCUS. DAWSON. MARCUS." oh my god. These girls were STILL UP. I thought they drew on my face. But no. They didn't. Thats okay though. hhaa. Bek ended up having a MOUNTAIN DEW HANGOVER. That was hilarious. She just laid on the floor swearing. xD
We went downstairs and we were hanging out and Erik woke up. Darn. Afterwards, we just kinda hung out and played some wii, and then Sienna had to leave, and I stayed with Bek another night. the 2nd night I spent with Bek, The Macki kids came and me and Bek, being our weird selfs, watched this video "25 things to do when your bored" and one of the things was to write on post-it notes and make them creepy. So we just wrote "I watch you in your SLEEP." and "Resorting to the fridge, eh?" HAH. THEY WERE FREAKED OUTT. It was so funny. The next morning my mom and dad came to pick me up and I was pretty sad. I came home and my dad covered my eyes and took me to my room. I thought they had painted it. But no. They got me A NEW BED. I WAS SOOOO HAPPY. ITS A MEMORY FOAM BED WITH CHRISTMAS LIGHTS UNDER IT. WWHHHEEWWWWWWW.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :DDDDDDDDD
I was the happiest girl EVAR. Then, I called Julie since Bek wouldn't pick up her god dang phone, and so I just called Julie's celll! i told her that I was coming over, and I did. Bek was pretty happy to see me again. and the Macki's. I was pretty happy too. :33

Anyway, Erik, me and Bek got into a fight when Erik came back over that night. He was jealous of ME. Wtf. No ones ever jealous of me. NO ONE. Yeah. So we got the fight resolved and now Bek and Erik are closer c: I told Bek my life story and she told me hers. I had never told anyone my story before. Of my cutting. My bulling. My suicidal problem.. Nobody ever.. But, I trusted Bek, because shes my bestfriend.. And my sister. I can trust her with anything.. ANYTHING.

So.
This Christmas break was my most favorite break ever.

I love the Phillips/Macki house. I love you guys.

Song of the day; Beth- The glee cast.

Shoutout- My 2nd family. I love you guys with all I got. If I ever need a home, I know I can come to you.. I love you guys..
xx
~.Chelsea.~

Closure.

Everyone in their life needs closure. Some people honestly just don't know the truthful meaning to closure. Closure, in my dictionary, means you just need to stop the process, and end everything. Kill all the nerves. I think that James needs to have closure with Bek. He hurts her and I just can't take anymore of it. If Bek can't take anymore of it either, its seriously killing her a lot more. I hate it when Bek gets hurt because shes kinda my bestfriend, ya know?  So to be honest, I would just like to end the whole James, Bek, Relationship friend thing. Its irritating. Bek doesn't even want to talk to James anymore because she wants it to end more than I do. I'm sorry, but when things have gone on for so long and people are getting hurt and have no idea whats going to happen in the future, Its just time to quit. The past is behind us. Not in front of us, or right now. This is seriously so annoying. What seriously pissed me off more than anything was when you said you didn't give a fuck about Bek anymore. THAT WAS FUCKING STUPID. You put sooooo much devotion into her and then you just, BAM! Drop her. No. okay? Nuh uh. That's not what you do when you have loved this girl since 9th grade and now you decide to just forget about her? ONCE AGAIN. She had her own OPINION about your girlfriend. I don't care if it was mean or not. As long as you still love her, that's all that matters. I don't need to be fighting with you about this, but you seriously need to get this through your head. Bek is hurt. You have broken the one girl you never even wanted to hurt. And yet, you keep breaking her. And now you say that shes completely fine with it..? If you think that, you don't even know her at all. Now, don't start arguing with me about this. I'm already sick of my bestfriend getting hurt constantly. The best thing to do right now, is completely let go, and cut the nerves. You need to figure out that Bek loves Dawson now to the full extent, and shes getting over you a little more each day. At the End of The World party, Bek wasn't even thinking about you, until Bob brought you up. And then as soon as we changed the subject Bek's mind left you alone. Please understand that this is how its going to be for now on. You may try to change that, but its not going to work. Bek and I already talked about this and decided that you weren't worth it. Sure, she asked you back out, but to her that seems like she made a huge mistake, and shes starting to regret it knowing that she could have spent her time on someone who was worth it. Bek is tired of your mom calling her horrible names. Its sorta like what Bek said to Kat, huh? Yeah. So don't get mad at Bek because she called Kat a whore. Your mom does the exact same fucking thing. If your going to throw a hissy fit about Bek calling Kat a whore, maybe you should think twice about the way you reacted when your mother did the same thing to Bek. This is ridiculous and everyone's sick of it. Not just Bek and I. If you text her, she won't reply because she knows what might happen if she does. Listen, you know Kat doesn't love you. Shes always got a crush on another guy and its never going to be just you. But that's normal for a girl. Don't get too dedicated and attached because if she breaks your heart, you can't blame us because we just warned you about how much it hurts to be shattered. And this is the only way we are gunna talk to you. Its through the blogs. We know you don't have to reply, we know you may not read it, and its proof for the whole world to see. Be pissed all you fetching want. We could really care less, and this is how Bek and I truly feel.

Okay. So i'm done. Please think about this. k. baii x

xxxx.....Chelsea.....xxxx